My Heart's Prayer

Let not my heart be numb to You

Let not my lips be dumb to You

Cut me deeply, Lord, let me feel it

My dearest sin, Lord, please reveal it

My tears of sorrow, wipe them dry

 Attend Thine ear unto my cry

Have me desire Your will alone

Instead of secretly wanting mine be done

Pierce my soul with Your holiness, please,

In contrast to myself, let it bring me to my knees

Fill me to the rim with your fullness, oh God

‘Til lesser loves have no room to climb their way to the top

Robe me in your righteousness, teaching me to trust

No one else can do a work in me because only You must

Cause me to submit to Your word and then rest

Knowing that, with every trial, You’re seeking my best

Make Heaven seem sweeter while this world grows dim

Saying, “I will fear no ill, because I’m depending on Him!”

Humble me to the dust, if that’s the measure You need

To have absolute sway over my being and lead

I don’t know what You have in my path up ahead

But give me the strength to not worry or dread

Increase my faith and my thankfulness, drown me in love

And prepare me for my ultimate goal, Thy glory above

©By: Allix Ryan Brunson 12/9/12

What a Privilege

What a privilege to carry

Everything to God in prayer

Wait, please stop, I think there was

A word you might have missed in there

We sing it all the time and yet

Are we truly taking time to see?

Perhaps we should rewind a bit

If you skimmed past that word like me

That word is privilege, see it now?

It eludes me time and time again

I let it slip right through the grips

Of my easily distracted brain

The blood Christ spilt on my behalf

I disregard too oft I fear

He didn’t begrudgingly mount the cross

But with joy He willingly died for me there

With overwhelming love He bought

My salvation with His sacrifice

And I convince myself with lies

That a prayer without fervor will suffice

He is the Mediator between us and God

Without His death, there would be no way

For us to ascend to the throne of grace

Yet we have the audacity to forget to pray

 Lord, grant me the purpose and joy you felt

When, covering my sins, you died for me there

And Lord, remind me it’s a privilege to carry

Everything to God in prayer

©By: Allix Ryan Brunson 11/1/12

Blissfully Overwhelmed

In my life I have come to see

Some things of God are too much for me

To ever fully grasp or learn

Though all within my soul doth yearn

His grace, for instance, unfathomable still

How it crushed my nature, broke my will

Pulling a sinner from the mouth of Hell

It’s beyond comprehension though others I tell

That God the Almighty, the Creator and Just

Grants me His faith, salvation, and trust

I’m blissfully overwhelmed by it all

That redemption was purchased after man’s fall

Christ’s sacrificial love for a wretch like me

With all my might I believe it, though unbelievable it seems

Though I cannot attain to the heights of its glory

I rest my undying soul on the Cornerstone of this Story

And even if I can’t grasp the depth, I don’t mind

Because if I could I’m afraid I would find

It far less as glorious, majestic, and great

Filling the limited knowledge of my human estate

If it was easy for me to now understand

It would all have to be low enough for the wisdom of man

Therefore I am glad to be awestruck and lowly

I am thankful God’s ways are Separate and Holy

I would rather it be far over my head

That I might ever cling tighter to my Savior instead

©Allix Ryan Brunson 8/11/12 2:45am

The Rescue was Accomplished.

Typically I only share things on this blog that I have written but when I read this excerpt from the book When God Weeps by Steven Estes and Joni Eareckson Tada, I was simply so deeply moved, I had to post it. As Joshua Harris responds, "As you read, refuse to let the scene be familiar. Let its reality shock you and break your heart."

That face that Moses had begged to see--was forbidden to see--was slapped bloody (Exodus 33:19-20). The thorns that God had sent to curse the earth's rebellion now twisted around His own brow...

"On your back with you!" One raises a mallet to sink in the spike. But the soldier's heart must continue pumping as he readies the Prisoner's wrist. Someone must sustain the soldier's life minute by minute, for no man has this power on his own. Who supplies breath to his lungs? Who gives energy to his cells? Who holds his molecules together? Only by the Son do "all things hold together" (Colossians 1:17). The Victim wills that the soldier live on--He grants the warriors continued existence. The man swings.

As the man swings, the Son recalls how He and the Father first designed the medial nerve of the human forearm--the sensations it would be capable of. The design proves flawless--the nerves perform exquisitely.

"Up you go!" They lift the cross. God is on display in His underwear and can scarcely breathe. 

But these pains are a mere warm-up to His other and growing dread. He begins to feel a foreign sensation. Somewhere during this day an unearthly foul odor began to waft, not around His nose, but His heart. He feels dirty. Human wickedness starts to crawl upon His spotless being--the living excrement from our souls. The apple of His Father's eye turns brown with rot.

His Father! He must face His Father like this!

From heaven the Father now rouses Himself like a lion disturbed, shakes His mane, and roars against the shriveling remnant of a man hanging on a cross. Never has the Son seen the Father look at Him so, never felt even the least of His hot breath. But the roar shakes the unseen world and darkens the visible sky.

The Son does not recognize these eyes.

"Son of Man! Why have you behaved so? You have cheated, lusted, stolen, gossiped--murdered, envied, hated, lied. You have cursed, robbed, overspent, overeaten--fornicated, disobeyed, embezzled, and blasphemed. Oh, the duties You have shirked, the children You have abandoned! Who has ever so ignored the poor, so played the coward, so belittled My Name? Have you ever held Your razor tongue? What a self-righteous, pitiful drunk--You,who molest young boys, peddle killer drugs, travel in cliques, and mock Your parents. Who gave You the boldness to rig elections, foment revolutions, torture animals, and worship demons? Does the list never end!? Splitting families, raping virgins, acting smugly, playing the pimp--buying politicians, practicing exhortation, filming pornography, accepting bribes. You have burned down buildings, perfected terrorist tactics, founded false religions, traded in slaves--relishing each morsel and bragging about it all. I hate, loathe these things in You! Disgust for everything about You consumes Me! Can You not feel My wrath?"

Of course the Son is innocent. He is blamelessness itself. The Father watches as His heart's treasure, the mirror image of Himself, sinks drowning into raw, liquid sin. Jehovah's stored rage against humankind from every century explodes in a single direction. 

"Father! Father! Why have You forsaken Me?!"

But heaven stops its ears. The Son stares up at the One who cannot, who will not, reach down or reply.

The Trinity had planned it. The Son endured it. The Spirit enabled Him. The Father rejected the Son whom He loved. Jesus, the God-man from Nazareth, perished. The Father accepted His sacrifice for sin and was satisfied.

The Rescue was accomplished.

Midnight Inspiration by Herman Melville :)

I read this excerpt from Moby Dick last night: 

"They were one man, not thirty. For as the one ship that held them all; though it was put together of all contrasting things -- oak, and maple, and pine wood; iron, and pitch, and hemp -- yet all these ran into each other in the one concrete hull, which shot on its way, both balanced and directed by the long central keel; even so, all the individualities of the crew, this man's valor, that man's fear; guilt and guiltiness, all varieties were welded into oneness and were all directed to that fatal goal which Ahab their one lord and keel did point to."

-Herman Melville

Moby Dick

This quote may not sound especially soul stirring or inspirational to you in the middle of a Wednesday afternoon, but let me shine some light on it to let you know what I saw in it as I lay in bed reading on a Tuesday night, half dosing off, before finally throwing up the white flag, turning off my green goose neck lamp on my night stand and letting the veil of darkness that covered me along with my 6 blankets {hey, its cold here in Texas these days!} work its magic on my brain that was slowly beginning to stew over those 104 words. Had it been any other night, I might have let that paragraph flow together with the rest of the epic tale of that sea captain, Ahab, that so desperately against all odds strove to slay that infamous White Whale. But for whatever reason, my imaginative mind would not let the thought waves that were crashing against the shore of the front of my head go quietly back into the vast ocean of my subconscious, no. As I lay quietly, occasionally adjusting my pillow just in case I wanted to give up all hope on my stirring brain and bury those thoughts in the grave of much needed sleep that covers all sane musings with dramatic dreams made out of left over thought currents that usually tie themselves together in difficult knots of strangeness and fantasy.

So, what was I thinking? Or what was it that quite literally jumped out at me, rather?

This quote plucked out of the pages of that novel that is arguably one of Mr. Melville's greatest works, as well as one of the hall of fame residents of American Literature made me think of none other than the Body of Christ. The description of that ship, made out of an assortment of woods of all different kinds of hardness, quality, color, etc. coming together to make one sea-worthy vessel. And then the comparison between it and the very crew that stood on that deck that had become like one, driven by one goal. To kill aforementioned White Whale. But wait, if I wasn't mistaken, that was Ahab's goal. Yet they all strove for its fruition as if it was the song of the depths of each of their individual souls. Their devotion to Ahab lead to their devotion to reach the destination he so dearly longed for. This wove itself into a beautiful allegory in my mind and reminded me of how, just so, we as the Body of Christ, who in and of our own selves have never desired to do anything but serve ourselves and bring ourselves happiness and yet when we are arrested by the love of Christ we then are driven to follow after Him and accomplish anything and everything that He strives to accomplish. And so, with that thought came this poem...hope I haven't lost you in that outpouring of random words. ;)

"For as we have members in one body, and all members have not the same office: So we, being many, are one body in Christ, and everyone members one of another."

Romans 12:4-5

The Bible calls us the Body of Christ

An individual unit, though many the members

We’re fashioned as one seamless form with one passion

Like a giant flame made of countless hot embers

We’re called to have love, resulting in peace

We’ve been forgiven so much, God expects us to show it

 But there’s a frightening thing that creeps in unannounced

This thing is called “discord”, and I think we all know it

Discord is fed by large helpings of self

Simmered over the fires of our natures of sin

Eventually it’s topped with hatred and anger

Bitterness and resentment are soon sprinkled in

We might be thinking unison, but God desires for us unity

We have singularity: the same Lord, purpose, and goal

But let’s put down our fingers, pointing outward to blame

And focus more on what Scripture says is our role

We don’t need our rulers, stop measuring her skirt

Instead let’s open those God-breathed out pages

Let’s measure instead hearts and fruit by His standards

  Trusting His guidance because He is Rock of Ages

Let’s silence our whispers about this one or that one

Joining together in one loud jubilant voice

Praising our God who has blessed everyone of us

With blessings unfathomable causing great need to rejoice

Yes, we are all different in various types, various ways

We will never be exactly like anyone else

Does that bring us to the feet of the God who put us together?

Or does it drive us deeper into the pit of ourselves?

The gospel that is precious to all of the saints

Speaks of that sacrifice to which, by faith, we all cling

The Christ that is God, that we serve and we honor

Has, by His actions, taught us a staggering thing

He was and is perfect, Just, Holy, and God

But He subjected Himself to the violent hands of mere men

And we, who are nothing in comparison, truly

Act like we deserve much better than Him

How wrong we are, brethren!

If only we could all learn to see

That He was trying to tell us something

When He hung, dying on that tree

When we focus on the sin natures that we all sadly have

It’s hard to think of living harmoniously with ease

But if we refocused on the undeserved shared stamp of His grace

We might then know how it is that we can strive together in peace

©by Allix Ryan Brunson 2/8/12

Christ's Sufficiency

Christ is sufficient in all things

You will never reach the end of His power

It expands past every obstacle before us

And makes the Devil to cower

You cannot swim to the bottom

Of His ocean of love and care

When you dive as deep as you can

More of His love will await you there

His holiness also is insurmountable

Every time you climb a bit higher

There will always be a crag to reach for

Just above where you aspire

His compassion is like an endless road

Though you walk, or jog, or sprint

It will stretch farther into the horizon

Where a glimpse of His Glory continues to glint

His atonement is perfectly circular

Encompassing us all around

From farthest east to yonder west

Our sins cannot be found

His Glory is like a great shining light

That will never grow dim or fade

And we will never see the end of its shine

Or sense the beginning of shade

Enough seems not the right word

Adequate also falls short

Sufficient is indeed what Christ is

Though in a way He seems more

Nothing else can fulfill purpose like Him

Everything else falls short in some fashion

But He will never reach the edge or end

Of His holiness, glory, or compassion

©Allix Brunson 11/13/11
Based on this sermon

Idols of the Heart

I am not committing idolatry

No golden calves sit on my shelf

No images of hallowed saints

God is my God all by Himself

I do not bow down and pray

To man-carved wood or stone

No Allah, Buddha, Confucius here

I pray to God alone

But maybe I might be deceived

When I write myself off as clean

Perhaps worshiping a so-called god

Is not all idolatry means

He loves me (Yes!) He loves me not!?

It was only a “crush” at the start

But now he consumes my every thought

And he inhabits the core of my heart

The music that streams through my earphones

Is so awesome and catchy, its fine

Though little by little, its grip slowly tightens

 Around the whole of my mind

My beloved hobby is calming

If it helps me relax, what’s the crime?

Because I really enjoy it so much

It’s no surprise it takes up most of my time

The beeping and buzzing of gadgets

From computers, to phones, to T.V.

Are literally so clearly addicting

They’re becoming the ruler of me

A paycheck is always a pleasure to have

The beauty of each bill and penny

Out of all the wonders that money can buy

I’m convinced that I could have any

That movie star, athlete, or politician maybe

They’re so gorgeous, talented, or witty

I might just lose my mind and cool

If they ever set foot in my city

Power and prestige

Fame and recognition

Adoration, followers

Is that my big ambition?

What of the person in the mirror

Who’s feelings, thoughts, and will

Take all of my attention

Maybe its pride, but no big deal

So I say that idols aren’t my sin

However it looks like the contrary

Because I have not left all for Him

I indeed am committing idolatry

©by: Allix Brunson 9/15/11

The Light that Shines in Darkness

Deep, and grim, and desperate

The utter black abyss

No ray of light for respite

I was born in this

The great depths of Hell, indeed

I doubt are dark as that

 No better place for sin to feed

Than the place that I was at

My eyes were blind, my ears were shut

And my heart, I fear, was dull

I did not know why, or how, or what

It was like outside of this hull

Like the valley of bones so dry

There was no glimmer of hope

And so I felt no need to cry

Or urge to broaden my scope

But alas to the great displeasure of

My hardened sinful soul

There was a One with a heart of love

Who set out to make me whole

An ache hit my heart like a speeding train

The darkness began to feel bleak

And so I saw, with the sharpest pain

It was the Light I needed to seek

I walked here and there, miles it seemed

But still I had gone nowhere brighter

He was the one that came and Redeemed

And gave me a burden much lighter

Ironic though it may tend to sound

It was that Blinding Light

It shone through the darkness all around

And gave me such glorious sight

Though once I was those dry bones, you see

The Lord, He just kept giving

He breathed the Breath of Life in me

And now those bones are living

He opened my ears, once deaf they were

He spoke His truth so sweet

So rich, so dear, so simple and pure

To the world I repeat and repeat

If you are in the darkness now

I can tell you He’s still the Light

The only way you’ll find your way out

Is to have Him on every side

Can life be given to your dry bones?

Go to the Lord, He knows

You’ll never find life by yourself, all alone

It is He that salvation bestows

©Allix Brunson 9-5-11

Based partly on John 1:4-5 and Ezekiel 37 
To see the Scripture picture I made with the former, go here.

Lessons from the Loaves {Mark 8:1-9}

Introduction:

Jesus had great compassion on the Gentiles; and the Jews, including His disciples, just couldn't understand this because they had always been taught that the Gentiles were nothing more than worthless dogs.

This miracle {The Feeding of the 4 Thousand+} mustn't be confused with the former Feeding of the 5 Thousand+ miracle in Mark 6. These are two entirely different feedings. They were to a different crowd and had different purposes. The first crowd had been mostly Jews but this crowed was mostly Gentiles. The first miracle ended with 12 small lunch pails, if you will, of leftovers. This time there was 7 large baskets full of the leftover scraps. 

1.) The Captivated Crowd (v.1)

"In those days the multitude being very great, and having nothing to eat..."

These pagan people were so enthralled with Jesus Christ that they came from far away to go see and hear from Him in the wilderness, listening to all He had to say for three days, forgetting their need to eat because they were so drawn to the Son of God.

These are pagans and they are sacrificing their comforts because they are so captivated with Him. We are the children of God, certainly not pagans, and yet how seldom are we so entirely captivated with Christ that we do not think about eating, drinking, and how far we have to travel to hear the Word of God preached!

2.) The Compassion of Christ (v.2)

"I have compassion on the multitude, because they have now been with me three days, and have nothing to eat:"

Though this was a crowd of pagans, Christ felt for them and wanted to supply even their simplest need to eat. These were Gentiles who knew little or nothing of His commandments but Christ had compassion deep in His heart for them. This was a lesson for His apostles to not ignore people simply because they are ignorant about the decrees of God. He wanted them to know that mercy, grace, love, and compassion are attributes of Himself that He desires us to imitate.

"He hath made His wonderful works to be remembered: the LORD is gracious and full of compassion." ~Psalm 111:4

"Who is a God like unto thee, that pardoneth iniquity, and passeth by the transgression of the remnant of His heritage? He retaineth not His anger forever, because He delighteth in mercy. He will turn again, He will have compassion upon us; He will subdue our iniquities; and Thou wilt cast all their sins into the depths of the sea." ~Micah 7:18-19

"It is of the LORD's mercies that we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is Thy faithfulness." ~Lamentations 3:22-23

com-: with, together

-passion: to suffer, feel deeply

So Christ suffers and feels deeply with us! Those that the multitude looked on with pride and disdain, He looked on with humility and felt compassion in His heart.

Our God sees our physical and spiritual weaknesses and He immediately feels for us. That is our God and that should be us towards our brethren: friends and enemies.

3.) The Callused Disciples (v.4)

"And His disciples answered Him, 'From whence can a man satisfy these men with bread here in the wilderness?'"

Jesus had just recently feed a large crowd miraculously. They had already beheld His power and compassion. And yet they looked right at Him and asked how they could possibly satisfy this crowd's hunger. They should've known that He was willing and able to do what He had already done before. How could they be so blind?! That's a good question. Why are we so blind?! Why do we doubt God even when we have experienced and seen such great displays of His miraculous grace in our own and other's lives?

4.) The Commanding Lord (vs.5-9)

"And He asked them, How many loaves have ye?" And they said, Seven." v.5

a. How many loaves? 

This is almost humorous. It's as if He's saying, "Here we go again...Ok guys, we had 5 loaves last time when I miraculously fed a large crowd, how many do we have this time?" He doesn't need them to tell Him that because He, being omniscient  already knows how many loaves there are. He was only reminding them of how little they had and how powerful He is. Who is sufficient to do such great things? Only Christ.

b. Sit down.

"And He commanded the people to sit down on the ground:..." v.6

The people were to be passive and He would be active. The people were not synergistic partners in this miracle. They were to sit in a submissive position and receive from Christ. 

c. From His hands

"...and He took the seven loaves,..." v.6

Christ asks His disciples to give Him the loaves. Everything must be put into His hands. Nothing will be blessed or increased until it rests in His palms. They have and He took. This is a picture of Christ making us willing in the day of His power to release our grip, give everything to Him and let Him do the rest.

d. He gives thanks.

"...and gave thanks..." v.6

This teaches us that, no matter how small a thing, we should give thanks. It is all of Him and He deserves all our praise and gratitude.

"In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." ~1 Thessalonians 5:18

"Better is little with fear of the Lord than great treasure and trouble therewith." ~Proverbs 15:16

e. He broke the loaves

"...and brake,..." v.6

He broke once and kept on giving. He did not break these small biscuits into 4 thousand+ little pieces so that each person could have a crumb to put to their tongue. He was creating a feast from nothing. And so it was out of the fullness of Himself that He satisfied them. He is God. Only He can do this. Every person needs a miracle of grace to do away with humanity's greatest common problem: sin. And God is the only way to supply this need and the only One to perform this miracle.

f. Jesus involved the disciples.

"...and gave to His disciples to set before them; and they did set them before the people." v.6

He gave them the job of distributing the results of the miracles from His hands. He could've easily made it fly over to these people or immediately fill their bellies with this bread and fish. But He desired for His disciples to be apart of the delivery. He did not require them to cook or prepare -- He only needed them to deliver what He had already made perfectly. It is not our job to spice up God's message. We should humbly and thankfully give it to hungry souls straight from His hands.

g. They ate and were filled.

"So they did eat, and were filled:" v.8

He gave them a meal that they would never forget. Not necessarily because it  was the most delicious thing they had ever eaten, though it may have been. But because He satisfied their hunger like no one ever had or ever could. We all have a gaping void in our souls and we can attempt to fill it with anything in this world and it will never satisfy. In fact, it will only widen the void. But just a taste of Christ and that void will be filled to overflowing for all eternity!

h. Baskets of leftovers

"...and they took up of the broken meat that was left seven baskets."

Even when we have exhausted ourselves serving the Lord and delivering His message to hungry souls until they are more than satisfied -- there will still be a full storehouse left to give from. We cannot exhaust the goodness of and blessings of God. He will always have baskets full even after the feast.

i. He dismissed the crowd.

"And they that had eaten were about four thousand: and He sent them away."

This seems like an impossible task to ask a multitude who have just feasted from the hand of the Son of God to leave. But nothing is impossible for Jehovah. With a word, He caused this multitude to obey Him.

Conclusion:

And so they were filled. Christ had felt deeply for their needs and He did not stop until He had perfectly satisfied their needs. 

"But my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus." ~Philippians 4:19

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning." ~James 1:17

"But God commendeth His love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." ~Romans 5:8

"Therefore, in all things He had to be made like His brethren, that He might be a merciful and faithful High Priest in things pertaining to God, to make propitiation for the sins of the people." ~Hebrews 2:17 

It is one thing to satisfy a crowd's 3 day hunger. It is quite another things to sacrificially atone for the sins of a whole host of sinners. And yet He is all-sufficient for both. Only One can satisfy thousands of hungry stomachs at once and thousands of hungry souls as well. And His name is Jesus Christ. He is the Bread of Life.

~My notes from today's sermon by Bro. Greene~

 --Allix--